Another way to put this: Why does it feel like anxiety/negative emotions take over or just happens to us against our will?
This post answers why emotions seem to take over us against our will with book excerpts from a psychotherapist named Frank Mosca and a best-selling emotional intelligence author we’ve studied named Barry Neil Kaufman. We encourage you to test these explanations with your own life experience as evidence of their truth.
Why emotions seem to happen to us at the speed of light
“…we catalog our beliefs and invoke them so easily and frequently that the process feels automatic. In actuality, we can recall hundred of beliefs in a millisecond (one thousandth of a second). Speed does not eliminate choice…Instead, speed indicates just one aspect of the wonder of our neurological capabilities.
The rapidity of our thinking process enables us to take action quickly, a genetic imperative for survival. For example, we jump out of the path of an oncoming vehicle because we ignite many powerful beliefs that fuel that seemingly instantaneous actions, such as “Collision means severe physical damage, pain and even death.” An infant who might not have adopted any such belief might simply stay within the path of such a vehicle, just observe curiously, even welcome the onslaught with giggles and open arms (and without any fear). Why? Beliefs fuel feelings and actions. The infant has not yet been taught or created beliefs about the power and consequences of huge metal machines crashing into soft flesh and skeletal structures. Thus, the infant would not create the kind of emotions and avoidance behaviors that we as adults might create under similar circumstances. We turn beliefs into responses so quickly that they seem like instincts when, in fact, those deduced or acquired beliefs generate our quick reactions. “Barry Neil Kaufman – Chapter 9 of Power Dialogues (page 26 and 27)
…Now as to the speed of responses, not to worry. It has to be that way because otherwise we would never get anything done. So in each and every moment of our lives we are responding to what is happening with our own thoughts and with the actions and events of the people and things in the world. Despite the speed of our responses, we ourselves were the ones who put together the meanings and values that created the belief, then the emotion. This doesn’t mean that we don’t control our beliefs so as have that particular response. It is a matter of using…questions to identify what we believe and thereby putting ourselves in the position to change or alter that belief if we so choose. Now the really interesting thing is that so often we actually do not choose to change or alter a belief that produces unhappy feelings.Frank Mosca, Joywords section 5
If you don’t think you fully get it
You may not fully understand the cause of negative emotions or understand why we (humans) get anxious. Here are quick read resources that will help. After reading these articles we think you’ll understand why it feels like you can’t control your emotions. Fortunately, with self-work, you can.
- Cause of negative emotions: https://becomeaforcelabs.com/unpacking-the-science-the-root-cause-of-anxiety/
- Cause of anxiety: https://becomeaforcelabs.com/the-cause-of-negative-emotions/
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